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02. A Song for x x
Lyrics by Ayumi Hamasaki
*"Why am I crying?
Why am I lost?
Why am I standing still?
Oh, tell me...
When
will I grow up?
How long can I be a child?
Where have I come running from?
And where am I running to?"
I had no place to belong
I couldn't find one
Not knowing if I could trust
in the future.
They always said: "What a strong child!"
Even praising me: "How admirable that
you don't cry!"
I didn't wish for a word of that
So I pretended not to understand.
"Why are you smiling?
Why are you by my side?
Why are you leaving?
Oh,
tell me...
When did you become strong?
How long have you felt weakness?
How long must I wait
For the day when
we'll understand each other?"
Already the sun is rising
I must go soon
I cannot stay in this same place
forever.
"Your trust in people will someday be betrayed
It will only mean rejection",
so I thought
At the time, I was not strong
I just knew too much.
They always said: "What a strong child!"
Even praising me: "How admirable
that you don't cry!"
The more those people** said things like that
The more even smiling became agony.
"I was born all alone
I'm going to live alone..."
I thought that such a life
Was
meant for me.
*The verses, I gathered from the context, are meant to be past thoughts
of Ayu's, so I've put them in quote marks.
**In the original song, she sings "those people". But in recent years she has
changed it to "you", directing it at the individuals themselves who said those things.
04. FRIEND
Lyrics by Ayumi Hamasaki
At a time when laughter filled me up from the bottom of my heart
I was unable to recognise my own happiness
Now
I cannot go back, no matter how I miss that summer
Because from that slender yet strong hand
I have pulled away.
Because you are so important to me
Without realising it, I might begin to overlook you
But over and over again
I’ll reassure you:
“In this whole world there is only one of you.”
A wind that tells the changing of the season blows
I’m frightened by the feeling that you are far away
When
we were still together, I truly loved you and I cried
Although I was more easily hurt than I am now
I certainly used
to shine.
If you find something you can believe in
I’ll without fail help you to reach it
Over and over again I’ll
reassure you:
“Even when we part, deep in my heart you’ll still be my friend.”
While I gaze up at the blue sky on a clear day
Kicking away the puddles of a rainy day
Over and over again I’m
reminded
Why I was born, and the meaning of my life.
Even on the days I want to quit because of the pain
Even when I want to flee into the night
Over and over again
I will remember
Those days with you, and it will support me.
06. poker face
Lyrics by Ayumi Hamasaki
Although it is easier to cry
I want to be smiling
I want your love.
My true form begins to fade little by little
Within the surging sea of people
With no answer in sight, I’ve
been searching
As I become more adept at lies and excuses
The emptiness starts to frighten me.
Although it is easier to cry
I want to be smiling
If I harden myself, I may forget how to be gentle
So I want
to become meek*
I want your love.
People are always solitary beings
But I need someone else
To be supported by them, and support them
Even though
there is no such thing as certainty
I have a heart that believes.
When I find that one important thing
I will protect it to the end
When I collide with a wall that is too high
Bearing
my wounds, I’ll stand up again
I do not wish for anything
Just having this one thing would be enough
I want
your love.
*This word for “meek” denotes having a mild temper and not being too hard or tough.
08. YOU
Lyrics by Ayumi Hamasaki
That face of yours is
Even more beautiful when it is sad
I was rendered speechless
When
I saw that your eyes were filled with tears.
Probably even more than anyone thought
You were hurting, you were tiring
I’m
sorry that I didn’t realise.
The spring breeze rolls by
It draws a distant dream
The break in the summer
clouds has disappeared.
The autumn sky is painful
The winter sea is cold
The more time passes, the more I drift away
entranced.
So many events have
Come to pass beneath my feet
And now, here you are
I’m
so proud of you, and always will be
People cannot be put into mere words
But if we hold onto their memory
And our
feelings for them
They’ll go on living.
Though there will be times
When I take the long winding road
And am exhausted
You
are my final destination
Just from simply being by your side
My heart is able to be healed
I hope that someday I
too can become
That kind of support for you.
The spring breeze rolls by
It draws a distant dream
The break in the summer
clouds has disappeared.
The autumn sky is painful
The winter sea is cold
The more time passes, the more I drift away
entranced.
11. Trust
Lyrics by Ayumi Hamasaki
I’ve never believed in the red thread
I thought of fate as something to
grab hold of
This world that too swiftly encircled me
Had exhausted me completely
Still I searched for the hand that
would save love.
I want to reach it
For ever since I was able to find myself through you
From
that day I felt I was able to grow stronger
Because I can be proud of myself.
I never want to give up
And I’ve
waved goodbye to my troubling past
You have taught me for the first time
What is most important.
By being at someone’s side while I couldn’t find myself
I felt like
I would only end up hurting them
For I had mistakenly learned from somewhere
What it really means to care about someone
From
now on I’ll stop paying so much attention to what others say.
I begin to draw a little closer to those lips
Although I have never seen eternity
I
know I can believe in the two of us now
I am no longer alone.
Love doesn’t have to end for everyone
Like a
long night breaking at dawn
Believing in myself, I take one step forward
I feel like I can walk on now.
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